Nate left around noon yesterday, as mentioned in a previous post. When he’s away, the house is kind of creepy. Little noises frighten me, and it just feels eerie. I shut the bedroom door at night, which we never do when he’s home. I think this ties into the post I wrote last week about what home really is.
Have you ever stayed over night in someone else’s house without them there with you? Not necessarily a stranger’s house, it may have been a family member’s house that you stayed in and, for whatever reason, the homeowner wasn’t there. Well, I don’t know about you, but to me, that is very high on my “creep-factor” list. It just weirds me out to be in someone’s home when they aren’t there.
That’s the sort of feeling I get at my house when my husband isn’t home. I guess it’s because really, my home is my husband, so to speak. I feel comfortable with him. When he leaves, my home leaves and this place I’m staying in becomes just a house, a building. And it doesn’t even feel like mine.
This makes for many restless and frightening nights. The days are easier, but still rough. I spend as much time as possible out of the house. Nate reminds me to pray when I feel scared. It sounds silly, even as I type it–to be scared of being alone,that is. But I’m easily frightened–a fragile personality, I suppose. Anyway, Nate’s not been away in a long time, so I haven’t had many opportunities to “practice” my scared-praying.
Well, I’m practicing now.
Reading my Bible and praying eases a lot of fear, as it should. I pray for God to keep His hand over me, that I may feel His presence and serenity. I have more nightmares when Nate isn’t home, so I pray for good dreams and restful nights, too.
I can’t wait for him to be home.